This time last week

originally posted as an Instagram post, reposting the caption(s) here

It was a week ago when I last saw you.

You were so weak then, but we were told that you were getting better and may even get a chance to go home the following day. It happened so fast. I did not know that it will be my last chance to pet you. Sabi sa vet, it was the first time they saw you stand up when you approached me, after I removed my mask. Somehow, I too believed that you’re getting better.

Though sleepy, di ako makatulog. This time last week, on that same day that we visited you, I received a message saying that they tried to revive you. The nurse was giving you your PM meds, then you went into shock. That’s about it. (It was only days later when I asked mama what happened.)


Hurriedly, I went to mama, she called the vet, and then there was uncontrollable sobbing.

We decided to see you that same evening. Oh dear Jongin, seeing you lifeless was such a terrible sight. As I continued to cry in front of you, all that I could utter were “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “good boy” repeatedly. I was trying to process everything, but it just doesn’t make sense. They said you were getting better and I believed you were.

You’re still our baby, and I’m still devastated to lose you at a very young age, your life was very short-lived. You have yet to experience many things, marami ka pa dapat kakainin at pupuntahan, marami ka pa dapat makilala. I pray that I have done enough in that short time, though I wish I could’ve done more.

How can the bestest boy like you just die that fast? You may be suffering for so long, and yet you failed to show signs. I should’ve been more attentive, should’ve done more things for you. I am still filled with regrets and sadness, hence they occasional crying, but right now, I am determined to save Poochie from the same fate you had (though struggle talaga yung gumising ng maaga).

You’ve altered my life in ways that I have not noticed before. I can still imagine you scratching the door in the mornings, hiding under the couch, licking my hands and feet, trying to smell me if I’m awake. The little things. I still greet you “good morning” the moment I open the door, and say “good night Jongin” whenever I leave mama and papa’s room.

Forever will you hold a special place in my heart, Joaquin Mari Inigo Bahay Kubo, my dear Jongin, mahal na mahal kita at sana naramdaman mo yun. Sleep tight buddy. Run free.