The 2018 Black Hole

Like any great adventure, I started my 2018 with a hopeful and positive heart. Yung sobrang positive I can imagine myself jamming to an upbeat song while repeating "2018 is my year! This is it!" I was looking forward for a lot of life-changing events to happen, my version of an adventure of a lifetime is finally coming to an end. That I can finally start dreaming for something else. However, my reality was far different from what I was expecting. Not everything that I hoped for came true. I did not get the ending I was hoping for - just yet. Siguro nga, I was hoping for a happy ever after like a fairy tale, but nope.

Inubos ako nang 2018. 

Kaya rin siguro natagalan ako sa pagpost nito, kasi nga, ubos na ko. Pero nakapag recharge na rin naman ako, di lang full, pero may charge na, anyway. If there's a statement that would best define my 2018 it would be that I was definitely exhausted. No matter how I tried to be optimistic about how things were, I knew that deep down something is not right. Para akong nasa black hole of bad energy, na kahit anong gawin ko nandun pa rin, hindi makaalis. It's not that I failed to appreciate everything else that happened, it's just that, on a grand scale of things, the unfortunate events definitely made it to the highlights of my year.

I FAILED TO GRADUATE
Simulan ko na sa pinaka-inaasam ko, yung graduation. Sobrang sakit na parang binasag yung plano ko at nasampal ng realidad. Until that day comes, *june 2019*, you will have to hear this a lot from me. The previous post before this is about it, if you want... you may read it. It's not yet the end, kaya fight lang hanggang kaya.
TL;DR: I failed 3 subjects so here I am now on my second season as a fourth year law student.

WE LOST NANAY LILIA
My paternal grandmother - Nanay Lilia Tabudlong Rosit, passed away last September 1, 2018. Just a few days before her birthday. Growing up, I was smothered with her love and comfort. She was one of the few person who made me feel appreciated no matter what I do. Knowing that I now won't be able to receive her warm hugs and kisses always saddens my heart. I love you, Nanay! I will always remember you.

However, 2018 was not at all about heartaches. Sadyang malaki lang yung impact nang dalawang moment na yan kaya pakiramdam ko'y pinagsakluban ako nang langit at lupa. It gave me things that I will always be thankful for. In between the spontaneous dinners, samgyeopsals, Grab rides, recitations, free cuts, quizzes and exams, there's a lot of fun things I was able to experience this year as well.

Family

KUYA GOT MARRIED
Last August 18, 2018, we officially welcomed Ate Manell to the family. If there is one person who understands my kuya, it was her who understood him the best. I love you, Ate Manell and thank you! I will always try to be here for the both of you, sorry at virtual presence lang muna. Konting tiis na lang naman.

THE BIRTH OF BABY BROCKY
A day after Christmas, Ate Manell gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Tiny human alert, he's so adorable and I love him a lot already! He was the best Christmas present at sana hanggang sa pag-laki niya that our family was blessed with.

Self

THE ELYXION IN MANILA
After a year of fangirling, last April 28, 2018, I was able to see my boys - EXO at their concert. It was the best thing I've ever encountered. Iba yung thrill. Mga hayop yung fangirls like me, kase mas mataas energy nila. My EXO family of four aka the Salazars now needs intense core training to survive the next concert. Needless to say, I am (we all are) willing to go through all the physical exhaustion that I've been through just to see them again. PS. Doh Kyungsoo was amazingly good, kailangan may shout out. Hahahaha.

BEST INTERN & BEST GROUP

As I ended my 1 year internship at our law school's legal aid clinic, I was awarded as the best intern, kahit walang certificate highlight to nang career ko hahaha. But more than my personal achievement, I am far more proud that my group was recognized as the best group. Indeed, they are all the best! Like what I posted, receiving the award is akin to seeing an oasis in the middle of a desert. The turnover ceremony and awarding happened just days after I found out that I am not on the graduation list. Mababaw to some, pero masarap kasi marecognize yung efforts lalo na pag yung buong group - ang sarap. Kahit fail ako as a leader at as a student, naibsan nang kaunti yung self-doubt dahil dito.

PART-TIME WRITER

Like a blessing in disguise, a certain local Korean beauty website (GO BLOOM AND GLOW) hired me (and Abigail as well) as one of their part-time content writer for their blog. Luckily, two of my works were published on their site. It was such a lovely experience and I hope to do more.

You can read both of my articles here:

• The Lazy Girl's Guide to Korean Skincare
• Physical or Chemical Exfoliation: Knowing Your Cup of Tea

People to be thankful for

I was on my lowest of lows last year, move over debut, na beat ka na as my saddest moment in my 25 years of existence. It was really a difficult year, lalo na kapag kailangan "okay ka lang" because people are expecting from you, or that others may have problems way more difficult than mine, or dahil kasalanan ko rin naman kasi. Ang daming factors, pero promise, okay na ako. I would not have been okay if not for the following people, kaya I would like to thank them.

EXO the Best KPop Group

I need to take this opportunity to personally thank all nine of you for existing. Life is boring without you. Shout out to my main boy for being the best in everything he does, you cutiepie, I love you. I will never get tired of appreciating you all. Kailangan may moment ang EXO kasi sila yung nagbibigay sakin nang constant spark of joy, kahit umiiyak yung wallet ko from gastos. Okay lang, mahal ko eh. Masaya pa rin.

RAISSAH & MICHELLE: two of my closest college friends

Maraming salamat sa pag-tolerate nang Ocenarium ko kahit na sobrang random. I am praying that for the upcoming year, I'd be able to spend more time with the two of you. I miss you both! Babawi ako, promise. Hoping that next time, we will be with Andy and Charlene.

MIKE & JACKIE: the supplant

Two people who almost always listens to my corny jokes and penguin rants, no choice rin kasi dahil sa group chat. Fourth year (season one) became bearable because of them. Lalo na siguro kay Tito Mike, since siya yung kaklase ko for the second semester, yung pinaka nerve-wracking semester of my life. Naiwan pero hindi pinabayaan, kaya mahal ko sila.

RIK: the beshy

2018 was not the best year for you, but know that I will always be here for you no matter what. To the beshy that would almost always willingly drive me around, salamat. Until our next samgyeopsal and study sesh, please?

ATE KASH, KUYA JOHN, SHAU, BELLE, KAREN, KOKO, KATH: the group who adopts
Minsan, madalas pala, pag may school activities, sila lang talaga yung wholeheartedly umattend nang lahat ng activities. Sometimes, I would just come out of nowhere pag walang kasama, and pumapayag naman sila na sumama ko sa kanila. Sila yung solid group of friends na kahit hindi kayo magkita nang matagal na panahon, iwewelcome nila with open arms. Maraming salamat sa inyo, sobrang nappreciate ko kayo.

TEAM AWAW: the group that never stops being fun

ALA MEI, ANA, BEB, BONITA, CHIN, CYBEL, DEN ANACAY, DIANE, JIN, MAMSH DEN, NOVA, REESE, SUANY, TINA, AND VON

The group that I've been with para kumain, mag church visit, magkwentuhan, magchismisan, manuod nang movies, manuod ng series, at mag grow bilang isang tao - mahal ko kayo. We may not see each other as often as we hope for now, but I know na magagawan natin to nang paraan. I can't wait to see you all again. Thank you for loving and accepting me.

NOVA & CYBEL: the most selfless of them all

They found me and loved me unconditionally in my most helpless state. Sila talaga yung dahilan kung bakit naka survive ako nang four weeks sa pagseserve nung bar month, sila and yung samgyeopsal. Hahaha. November was one of the saddest month of the year for me, kasi dapat ako rin magbabar na, but there we were, barops duties. Maraming salamat sa inyong dalawa, miss ko na kayo. Mahal na mahal ko kayo. 

KIMBERLY: my nanay jetsetter

Nanay Kim accomplished so many things for 2018. I am very proud for everything she do, since nung nakilala ko naman yata ganun na siya, throwback to Top Ten Outstanding Jamer *tama ba?. Though I don't see her nor talk to her regularly, I am happy whenever I get updates on her life. I love you and thank you for understanding me and waiting for me. You deserve everything, promise.

Read her year end post here.

THE SALAZARS: the people responsible for my sanity

Bobbie aka Mrs. Chanyeol aka Jex, Alex aka Mrs. Lay aka Jia, Gabbie aka Mrs. Sehun aka Abby. Paulit-ulit na pasasalamat sa inyong tatlo. I will never get tired of saying thank you, pati sa pag flood sa group chat actually, hindi ako mapapagod. Sa pagsama sa abot nang isa sa mga pangarap ko, kahit na muntik na mawalan nang malay, to see EXO espcially Kyungsoo. Sa pagsama sa mga planong hindi totoo. Sa mga samgyeopsal at sleepover. My favorite humans, mahal ko kayong tatlo. Onwards to 2019 we go! #EXOPlanet#5NaPls

ABIGAIL: mah bitch, my noonah, my mowm, my best friend

This year, I was so afraid to ask questions, to speak up, knowing that if I do, I may have offended another person. Stay curious, pero sa utak lang para may saltik tbh. Until I realized, it was all about asking questions and talking to the right person.

At those random times that I felt like my whole world is crumbling to pieces, she was there. Kahit sobrang daldal and childish ko, she never gave up on me. Before rin, I was so afraid to call someone as a best friend, but maybe it was all about finding the perfect person to qualify as one. I love you, Mrs. Sehun. I'd be lost without you.
Also included in my life's mission is to ask you for samgyeopsal and sleepover, hoping that someday, somehow, di mo rin ako matitiis. HAHAHA. 

Read her year end post here.

PARENTS: the provider of my life and love and more love

Until I reach my dying breath, I will always be grateful for having two wonderful person as my parents. My parents who unconditionally showered me with love, affection, and understanding. Despite how undeserving I am for everything they've given, they never fail to make me feel that I deserve all their love. Ma, Pa, thank you, I love you! May you both be granted good health and a good life ahead of you. Promise, this year, gagraduate na ako.

AND TO ALL OTHER INDIVIDUAL WHOM I FAILED TO MENTION: ikaw to since di mo nabasa yung name mo sa taas, sorry

Pasensya ka na, hindi ko naman ginusto na huwag kang mabanggit. Significant ang presence mo sa buhay ko. Sadyang hindi ko lamang mapinpoint kung ano ang turning point mo for me this 2018 sa mga oras na sinusulat ko ang blog post na ito, pero promise, may impact yan. Maraming salamat, huwag mo ko iwan this 2019 a, kahit di ka kasama dito hahahaha? 

It is true that in life, we don't always get what we want. Or that things won't always go our way. But at the end of it all, we realize that it is okay. Or atleast we try to. It's been 25 years already, and hindi na yata ako masasanay kung gaano ka-unpredictable ang life. Sabagay, kung monotonous at predictable, baka ika-baliw ko naman. Baka Black Mirror episode na yung buhay ko, hindi ko pa alam, so okay na rin pala.

The last and first day of the year are my favorite days. It marks an end and the beginning. A reminder that despite everything I've been through that year, it might just be a bad day and not a bad life. That I have a chance to make things work, to start and escape the blackhole na sa mundo ko e posible naman.

Dear friend, I am thanking you for reaching this part. 
Praying for your happiness and good health.
Together, let's enjoy 2019!

Now all I [have to] do is wait. 🎶