Delusional

Watching a drama with mental health as one of its main concern is really making me think about a lot of things. One of which is that, I AM MEDIOCRE BORDERLINE DELUSIONAL.

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There's this "fun fact," depending on how you define fun or fact, I've read about how we have never really seen what we look like. Only a reflection or photos, but not really see ourselves with our own eyes. Nakakapraning lang, like what if, the picture I am seeing is not really what I look like IRL. Windang. 

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Also, I recall that I had this fear of death that made me the noctrunal that I am now. Being Catholic, we are thought on how, upon our death, we are to face our creator at the pearly gates. But then, there's this concept of the Revelation, diba? So, what happens before that? Also, Buddism teaches reincarnation. And mixed with a little Korean Drama - Goblin, man experiences life 4 times. Then one random day, I disturbed asked myself - how will I know if I'm still alive? 

Hear me out. Ganito yan. Like in this life that I am living right now, death of a person is a normal occurrence, that often times leads their loved ones devastated. But you know, like what if, there's no really death? Like, oo, we may see a love one passed away. But when it is already our time, it'll be like we just being awake from a dream and that we're still alive. What if, that's the reason why we sleep and dream? 

Like will we ever know that we're dead? Waaaah! I hate thinking about this because there's no answer, scientifically(?). No one really knows. And I hate not knowing. except pag yung kailangan ko na magaral, nganga nalang palagi, ano? Hay! Maling-mali! 

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As I finished the Korean drama I've been watching, the male protagonist is "cured" from his schizophrenia, although it was explained that there's really no cure and that the "episodes" may still occur if triggered.  Then I realized, how then can I be able to tell fantasy and reality? Ayun patay, Nah, as long as I "we" can find inconsistencies, then we can get away with it. 

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Being not got at anything is not something I should be proud of, I am who I am. And the person that I am seeing is someone who just get aways with almost everything by absolutely doing - nothing! Pero baka I'm just imposing upon myself a quality so high, that it is actually impossible. Wala eh, reach for the stars nga diba? 

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As March ends, may all our worries and anxieties starts fading away. Thank you, March, you've been wonderful!

Good night, Jassy!