Pseudo fourth year

One by one, the booklets from our midterm examinations are being returned. And in that two subjects that I thought I did well, the results are very disappointing! I can’t imagine how worse the remaining results will be. Just a few more weeks before our final examinations, and yet, it is just now that I realized how much effort I must exert to create a miracle for me to pull up my grades.

Hi, the first semester just ended and here I am now struggling, yet again, on my way to the second semester.

WAIT, THE SECOND SEMESTER IS ALREADY STARTING! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

I keep on hearing "isang sem na lang!" And at this point, rather than being a motivation, it is becoming that constant fear that I get traumatized whenever I hear. Much to my dismay, it is becoming a phobia I would rather not talk about. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing more that I wanted to have right now other than that, but what I fear is the uncertainty - like, what if diba?

At around 4 in the morning, I woke up coughing way more than my lungs can manage. Panting and sweating from forgetting to turn on the electric fan. I realized, oh, this is nothing. I was half way done with this school year, and the pressure from day one just keeps on getting heavier

I am on this point of my struggling law student life wherein the things I've learned over the last four years have gone in a faraway land, as if I'm starting all over again. The look on my professors as they learn about this bit, no? I am thrilled that I am already at this point but at the same time, I am doubting if all those struggles actually helped me, or did I just get lucky? As ever since, my theme song have been "Daft Punk's Get Lucky."

At my Legal Medicine class last semester, Jackie will wonder why I never get spooked with the pictures flashed on our professor's powerpoint presentation (mostly, of dead people or some hard core injuries or just pure gore), which I will always answer with a laugh. But honestly? It's because, my fear of not reaching my dream is far worse than any bloody picture on the screen. Those are just pictures, that may or may not haunt me in my sleep *thanks, imagination. But the dreams I created when I'm awake are far more scarier, as no amount of sleep can get me away with it, my every waking moment is a constant reminder of that dream. Each subject for the semester feels like they are dementors, sure they meant no harm, but they drain the living energy and happiness inside of me, making me grumpy and hungry at the same time.

Anyway, as I cram my way to this new semester, may be able to survive and make it. The second semester is just starting, and I should feel nothing more than the passion to finish strong. Annyeong!